Indulgence
Sunday, January 27th, 2008
Winter is eating at me. I am done with it. The days that seem it would be romantic to be tucked away snugly in front of raging fires, wrapped in soft quilts with a cup of hot cocoa have fled. The house becomes a prison deep into January. The walls close in. We are under seine. The bitter air outside the door bites and stings, freezes tender skin on contact. Before you can even step out, you are already backing in to close the door. I watch my horses from the window the way a child eyes candy through the storefront glass, with a consummate longing. I want to fly again. I want to race through the fields with the wind tangling my hair, her mane wild in my face as a crouch down low. The bliss of reckless freedom. Yesterday I went to town. Literally. Jumped into the car with B in tow and drove the 40 minutes it takes to arrive in some sort of civilization, and it did my heart good. We spent the day on frivolities, shopping for clothing. Well, rather, I shopped for clothing whilst B sat very patiently waiting for me to be satisfied with one thing or another. I bought a nightgown of the softest white cotton that slips down all the way to my toes. The prettiest thing I had ever seen, and that I had coveted for years now. Sleeping in it last night was bliss, a winter indulgence. We treated ourselves to lunch out at Cedar’s where B told me something that made me so happy. She told me she was glad I wasn’t like other moms – that she liked my eccentricities, my passion for music, my excitement for art and writing. That I wasn’t old and boring like her friend’s moms, but fun and interesting. What a lovely thing to hear! I worry sometimes about these things, that the kids might wish for a more subdued kind of mom, a more matronly, steady sort of mom who is organised with bake sales and home and school meetings and such – instead of this scatterbrained, whimsical one who can’t remember where she put the scissors, or when the report cards were due to be signed, and has even been know to put he milk in the cupboard instead of the fridge when particularly distracted… B is growing up so fast. So beautiful sitting across the table yesterday, I could not stop looking at her, drinking in every last detail, every last expression on her small perfect face. And so smart, and so witty. Where did this girl come from? Yesterday when we got back from town, G asked her “what are you going to do with yourself, being so pretty?” To which she paused, raised one perfect little eyebrow, and replied “Use it.” Funny girl…soon to be dangerous girl. G said she was never allowed to go out again. I concur. Look out world, B will soon be a teen. I have also been immersing myself in books, but not the sort I usually blog about. These are complete indulgences, nothing high brow or intellectual about them, but beautiful none the less. My guilty pleasure… a series of vampire romances. They are the best thing I have read in ages. I am consumed with them….The Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. The best part about them…they are innocent, no trashy sex scenes with taut buttocks or glorious manhoods or all of that junk writing that loses it’s interest about one scene in. Just a pure love story. All of the anticipation, and magnetism of seduction without the smut. I am entranced. I am a complete sucker for love stories where the hero would rather die than live in a world that the heroine is no longer a part of. Where the need for each other is so strong that it is an all consuming physical ache. I have one more book to go… and it is hard not to just sit and read until it is done… Two more months until the world starts to thaw again…two more months…I think I will ride the winter out dreaming…