a period of deep moping, but I return for the better…i hope
I have been quiet and not in the mood to write lately. I think the rain stopped falling just outside and seeped its way into my body, my thoughts, and my spirits. A few weeks of moping, and feeling very sorry for myself. Sometimes I need that journey though, tucked away in varying degrees of damp, dark, and tearful misery to make the sun seem worthwhile. To even notice that it exists and is beautiful and worthy of notice.
I have been missing everybody and nobody, by turns. Wanting connection while withdrawing from it and hiding. That sort of thing never makes sense at the time, but comes more clearly into focus when the mood lifts. Making new friends requires a certain amount of risk and vulnerability, and I am not always able to do that these days. Because when I do try, it is “here I am. here is me.” and I extend myself the way that a child does, open and with hope. (too open, and with too much hope) And that kind of thing is frightening sometimes, well most times actually. Sometimes I wish I was better at games, and rules, and how to play. I’m not though – good at all of that. I wonder if anybody is really? And if that really would be a good thing to be, or if it would just muddy everything up even more? I suspect the latter.
Anyways, the mood has finally made me want to get out of it. Too heavy and oppressive, and neither of those qualities are very well rooted in my nature. So as always, I end up with the idea that jumping in with two feet is likely a good idea. It works, or always seems to. So I bid adieu to the crappy mopey moody two weeks and am going to try and get myself out and making new connections, and hopefully, friends… It’s not like they are going to just drop out of the sky, so really if I have anything or anyone to complain about, it is just me, just my own inertia, and that is something I can do something about. Therefore no reason to mope.
This week I have been playing We Both Go Down Together, by the Decemberists. Perhaps trying to play, is more accurate. But it is coming along…and it is a song that I can sing – and I discovered that it is entirely possible to both play and sing at the same time. A discovery which has made me very excited and gleeful (though my family may not be quite so happy or gleeful to hear my unending efforts, and may well wish that I had not discovered this until I was better at playing at least).
I am in love with the Decemberists at the moment, and digging down deeper into the songs, into the stories they contain both lyrically and musically. I am much impressed by it, by the skillfulness… and I love the contrasts, the darkness and lightness, the horrific beauty that Colin puts into his songs, the complexity. I just got a newsletter that announced days that they would be playing – a short tour – and am wishing that I could go to the Boston show…but don’t really see how that could happen, but I would love to see them play live.
I have some exciting new possible jewelry projects lining up. I feel energised and happy with them, and will share when I can.
A new custom piece this week…I love the way that the etching turned out. A stamp pendant meant for a pilot…
September 4th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I too have been feeling rather down the past week or so. A number of small things have added up into a big black cloud. I’ve not felt like exercising, which often makes me feel better. I’ve been wanting to withdraw into a dark room and close the door. I am sorry you’ve been feeling this way too, but I feel less alone when I know others go through these phases.
I’m no good at games or rules either! Never have been. Drove my mother nuts when I was a child because I preferred writing plays and stories and dressing up rather than playing Monopoly!